I feel so tired...so useless...but I couldn't care less. I can no longer see clearly, everything is black in life now, maybe it's better that way. Maybe...I won't hurt you again. Aradia...I-I'm sorry. So, so sorry for what I did to you...for killing you...
I could see the pain living in your eyes, I know how hard you tried to get so much...and you deserve so much more than what you got. I knew how you felt for me, and I was foolish. You gave me your heart and in return I gave you pain. I'm a horrible person, I know...and I never deserved you, Aradia Megido.
I couldn't protect you, I couldn't even protect myself, against Vriska. How pathetic, huh? I don't know...what you saw me an idiot like me...I'm a failure, a down right failure...I let you down, and I left Feferi down...and everyone else...what have I done, Aradia? I'm such a mess up...a screw up...only good for coding, programming and hacking, sometimes not even that.
I never let you know how I feel...I should have...I used Feferi to cover it, I was never truly flushed for her...I just hated the pain in my chest...the guilt that haunted me every moment...she made me forget, but in the end it was never enough. Now what do I do? It's too late to tell her I lied, it's too late to get you back...
These stupid eyes! The idiot I was to let my guard down and let Vriska take control of my mind....pathetic. And the honey...I just can't....I can't take it anymore, I want you back....
Aradia....you'll never see this. But if there's one thing I want you to know...it's that I love you....
A letter, a simple letter yet it held so much. Emotions, thoughts, words Sollux Captor know he would never speak. She was gone, and it was Vriska’s fault....no, it was his fault. The gemini wiped his eyes at the thought, trying to dry the dark yellow tears that dripped down his cheeks and stained the paper in front of him, the paper with scribbled words to Aradia Megido, words the aries would never receive.
He stared at the words, all of them blurred in front of his eyes. He didn’t even remember killing her, but he knew he was the one to do it.
Sollux blinked his dual colored eyes open, he couldn’t remember what had happened. His head was pounding and he reached up, catching a glance of his arm as he did so. His normally grey toned skin was stained with a dark red-rust color substance. He blinked, staring for a moment before looking around.
Around him were piles of debris and rubble, a leveled hive maybe? His eyes finally fell on a slender frame a little ways away, laying in a pool of the same colored liquid that dripped from his arms. It seemed to be a troll, and it only took a moment for him to know who. Those horns...and the thing covering his skin had to be blood.
“N-no...” he muttered, quickly pushing himself up. He pulled himself to his feet and stumbled over to her, leaving his glasses where that fallen long before. He stumbled over to her, almost tripping multiple times. His feet carried him as fast as they could, his body moving on automatic as he kneeled next to her.
The aries lay on her side, her clothes torn and blood seeping from various wounds. Her grey skin was paler than usual and her hair tangled as her arm stretched above her head. Her eyes were half lidded, her breathing shallow.
“A-AA....no...” Sollux said to himself, rolling her over and trying to pull her to him. “What happened? W-who did this to you?” Aradia gave a small smile, looking up at him.
“Oh...hello Sollux...” she greeted, voice soft and warm as it usually was when she spoke to him. She reached up and placed her hand on his cheek, running a thumb over his cheek. “You’re....awake...”
“D-don’t....just tell me who did this...we’ll fix you up, and you’ll get better. I’ll even go after them, AA.” he told her, seeing her eyes begin to slowly dull. Ignoring his question, she spoke.
“I’m tired, Sollux...will you stay with me? Like when...we first met...” she asked as he took her hand, holding it to his cheek.
“I’ll stay, but don’t go to sleep yet..w-when you do, you’ll wake up. We can go exploring then, right? I still need a few pieces for that project I was doing...” he tried to smile at her and she sighed.
“Sorry...Sollux....I don’t think I’ll be waking up...just know I love....you....” with the last word from her lips, her eyes closed and her chest stopped moving completely. Her head fell limply to the side and Sollux felt tears prick his eyes, slowly falling down his cheeks and falling onto hers.
“AA...wake up...please AA, you can’t do this...wake up, you have to...” he pleaded, begging as he held her close, hugging her to his chest. He hid his face in her long, raven hair, now sobbing. She was gone, and he never told her how he truly felt.
"She's gone...I killed her...." he whispered to himself, eyes never leaving his letter. "Idiot, such an idiot! I never told her, I never frikken told her! And now it's too late!" he hung his head in his hands, shoulders shaking as he sobbed. Thoughts flooded his mind, so quick he could barely understand them.
He felt his head beginning to pound again, unable to focus on anything. Small sparks of psionic energy pooled at the tips of his fingers as he tried to keep breathing through each sob that took hold of his body. The necklace he had wrapped around his wrist slid higher up onto his arm, reminding him of it’s presence. The rocks scraped his skin and he shut his eyes tightly.
‘I never gave it to her...I was so close to finishing...’ he thought, shaking his head and digging the palms of his hands into his eyes. ‘Since the day I met her I had been making this...why? Why didn’t I finish sooner?’
“Hey Sollux,” Aradia greeted with her usual kind smile. She looked worse for wear, dirt streaking her dirt and skin as well as her small shoulder back, but her eyes were bright. The red blood held her hands behind her back as she walked closer to her friend. “I’m finally back from the latest expedition. It was a great success!” the gemini troll smiled back at her, revealing his four sharp teeth.
“Good to hear, AA. Did you bring back anything?” he questioned. She gave a nod and revealed the item she held behind her back. It was a small black rock with small gems incrusted within.
“Just as you wanted, the prettiest rock I could find as usual.” she offered it to him and he took it, nodding his thanks. “Why do you always want rocks, anyway? Never anything more...and every time you go with me you bring back a bag full of them.”
“Oh, I just think they’re pretty is all.” the yellow blood shrugged. She blinked and gave a small nod, humming.
“If you say so....if you ever do anything with them, tell me alright?” she requested.
“Of course, AA.” he smiled at her kindly at her. “Consider it done.”
He pulled away from his hands and stared at the leather strap around his wrist, he had spent hours trying to tie the gems and rocks into it so that they would stay. Two more, he hd just needed to more before he could complete it and give it to her. He had planned on giving it to her and explaining how he felt, and of course now he couldn’t...
“Oh gog...” he muttered to himself. “So close...”
His head looked around as he heard his name. He knew that voice, but it wasn’t possible. He spun around, looking wildly and trying to wipe his eyes again.
“It can’t be, there’s no way...” he mentally cursed himself, hearing voices of the dead again...of course. But he couldn’t help but look around again, his eyes completely missing the pale outline of a slender woman with large horns, long hair and ripped clothing.
“A-AA...?” he managed, shaking his head. “It can’t be you...I don’t understand, you’re dead.” she frowned and lowered herself, her feet now barely floating above the ground as she seemed to walk over to him, now visible.
“Well..it kind of is. I am dead but, I can’t just leave you...” she sighed, placing a pale hand under his chin, trying to get him to look up. “Believe me, won’t you?”
“But..I killed you....why would you want to see me...?” he choked out the question and the dead girl replied with a small sigh.
“It wasn’t you...it was Vriska. Please don’t blame yourself, Sollux...I don’t blame you and nobody else does either, I’m sure of it.” she assured him, reaching out to cup his cheek but pulling back. He was silent and looked away, not daring to meet her gaze. “Sollux Captor, it wasn’t your fault.”
“I-I’m still so sorry, AA...I hurt you, and I shouldn’t have....gog, I’m sorry. I mean...you’re dead now...and I never..never...” he trailed off, not able to say the next words as he tried to choke down sobs.
“You never what?”
“I never....told you that I love you....AA, I wanted us to be together and I was too stupid to act, I never asked you...if you wanted to be my matesprit....I could never seem to word it correctly....”
“I know...and my answer would have been yes.” at this, he looked up at her, giving her a half smile.
“That would have made me the happiest troll on Alternia, you know...” he trailed off again for a moment, thinking. Before he could think of something to say, she spoke.
“Sollux...can I tell you something?”
“Yeah, of course.”
“Don’t be so down, alright? I’ll always be around, watching over you...just be happy, for me.”
“I...can try, AA.”
“No, you will. There is no trying...I refuse to see you unhappy.”
“But-” he tried to argue but she cut him off, placing a pale finger at his lips.
“Hush, you’ll be happy, and I’ll always be with you, Sollux. Watching to make sure you’ve done well for yourself....so be careful and take care of yourself. You need to remember to eat, after all. And sleep.”
He sighed but gave another smile. “Alright, AA..I’ll do that...just know I’ll never stop thinking about you...I love you, Aradia....”
“And I you, Sollux.”